Air Date: Saturdays on NBC (11:30 p.m.-1 a.m. ET);  LIVE EPISODES: April 15, May 6, 13, 20 (11:30 ET / 8:30 PT); 'SNL Vintage': Saturdays (10-11 p.m. ET); "SNL Encores" (10-11 p.m. ET) beginning Fall 2017


“WEEKEND UPDATE” ANCHOR MICHAEL CHE – “Welp Colin, it’s official. Donald Trump is the next president of the United States. Haha, ‘United.’ I didn’t want Trump to win, but as a comedian it is a little encouraging. People are always telling me, ‘Che you know you could lose your job for saying that,’ and now I’m like, ‘No I can’t.’ How did this happen? Either Donald Trump is actually a genius, or Hillary Clinton hit a voodoo priest with her car. I don’t think there’s ever been two more unlikeable candidates. Not one time in this election have I heard anyone say, ‘Ya know what, I like them both!’”

“WEEKEND UPDATE” ANCHOR COLIN JOST – “Donald Trump is now the oldest person ever elected President, and has never held a job in government. If you’re 70 and you have no experience, you couldn’t get hired at Target. A 70-year-old holding a new career is not how president is supposed to work, it’s the plot of ‘The Intern.’ A plot which ‘Rolling Stone’ called, ‘pure fantasy.’”

CHE – “Liberals did not see this coming because we’re too segregated. It’s like we forget there’s another half of the country. I didn’t think anybody would vote for Trump, just like I didn’t think ‘A Madea Halloween’ would be the number one movie in America.”

JOST – “I know that this seems like a huge step backwards for our country, but we have to remember that progress isn’t just a straight line upwards. It’s a weird roller coaster where sometimes you’re screaming for joy and other times you’re barfing in your own face.”

JOST – “On Thursday, Trump went to the White House and showed us how brave he is, by meeting face-to-face with the man who founded ISIS.”

JOST – “Yesterday it was announced that Mike Pence will lead Trump’s transition team. Which is weird because normally when people transition, Pence sends them to conversion therapy.”

CHE – “Let’s not mourn the political career of Hillary Clinton. She’s not going anywhere. This women is a gangster. She’s unbreakable. This is not her first upset. Hillary Clinton once lost a presidential race to a black guy named ‘Hussein.’ And she’s still fighting. Hillary Clinton is like Roy Jones Jr. Every time she gets knocked out again, I’m like why are you even still doing this? Do you need money? I’ll give you money.”

CHE – “A new study shows that people with a vegetarian diet may live longer. Okay but… for what?”

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Lauren Roseman,, 212-664-5236