November 12, 2012 QUOTABLES FROM “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH SETH MEYERS” NOVEMBER 10, 2012
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“WEEKEND UPDATE” ANCHOR SETH MEYERS – “According to poll data, President Obama’s victory on Tuesday was due largely to his popularity with both college students and the unemployed. So basically Obama became President the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers.”

MEYERS – “After this week’s election 19 women will now hold seats in the Senate, which is the highest number ever. And no one is happier about it than the pantsuit industry.”

MEYERS – “CIA director General David Petraeus resigned Friday after it was revealed he was having an affair with the woman who wrote his biography, “All In.” Of course when they first started working on the book, it was called, “Just The Tip.”

MEYERS – “Navy officials said Thursday that seven members of SEAL Team 6, the elite unit that killed Osama Bin Laden, were given career-ending reprimands after they disclosed operational secrets to the makers of the videogame “Medal
of Honor.” Now everyone knows Bin Laden was killed by A, B, A, B, up, down, right trigger, left trigger.”

MEYERS – “A Texas woman says that she was ripped off after she bought an iPad from a man at a gas station for 200 dollars that turned out to just be a wrapped up mirror. Worse, she couldn’t reach the police on the iPhone he sold her.”

MEYERS – “NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said this week that the high quality of HDTV is hurting attendance at the games since the experience of watching at home is so good. “Is it though?” said guys with wives.”

MEYERS – “A manufacturer of clothes for infants has created a new outfit that has mops on the arms and legs so that babies can clean the floor as they move around the house. It’s great if you’ve ever wondered “how can I get all this dirt and bacteria off the floor and onto my baby?”

MEYERS – “Officials in Iceland are holding a contest to come up with a new name for the country in hopes of combating its image of the country as a barren wasteland. Unfortunately, the most popular entry so far is “Barren Wasteland”.

MEYERS – “A new study suggests that men who are chronic heavy drinkers suffer damage to the parts of their brain that involve understanding and processing emotion. Which if I’m not mistaken, is the point.”

MEYERS – “A recent report shows that some companies hired to do background checks on new employees are costing people jobs because they are confusing applicants with criminals with the same names. It’s just more bad news for
out of work accountant O.J. Simpson.”

MEYERS – “A Florida man, who fell off his horse while drinking, was arrested after he unsuccessfully tried to shoot the animal. Interesting side note… his vote counted exactly as much as your vote.”